


The School Play

by shulamithbond



Series: Reality X [9]
Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, The Avengers (2012), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types, Thor (Movies)
Genre: Autism, Bullying, Disabled Character, Disabled Character of Color, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-02-21
Updated: 2013-02-21
Packaged: 2017-11-30 00:48:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,492
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/693446
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shulamithbond/pseuds/shulamithbond
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sometimes it's hard to let the past go, and even the little things stay with you.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The School Play

          “Aoife, what is this?”

          Wrenching herself back to earth, Aoife Palpatine turned toward her lover, somewhat ashamed – even after all this time, and all the autism acceptance lit she read and distributed – at the way she’d been staring at nothing, thoughts running wild, when she should have been giving Loki more after care. < _Sorry, what’s what? >_ she tried to ask casually, feeling her cheeks go pink.

         “This.” He held up a small paper booklet with a deceptively cheery red cover. “I found it on your bookcase. I wanted something to read.”

        < _Oh Loki, I’m sorry, I’m getting tired and I must have just- >_

        He waved away her explanation. “I’m all _right,_ Aoife. I wanted some quiet time, as well. That’s why I went looking for a book.” He pouted momentarily. “You know sometimes you and Thor and the rest treat me as if I’m made of glass. In truth I almost preferred it when you all hated my guts. I’m a grown person, Aoife, I don’t intend to shatter. I’d think you of all people would understand that.”

        < _I’m sorry_ ,> she repeated, but this time she couldn’t keep the smile from her lips. There were some things Loki was adorable at, and pouting was one of them. Besides, she could sense in the Force that he wasn’t actually upset.

         He grinned slyly. “You can make it up to me by answering my question. Look, it has Crys’ name in it. At least I think it’s her. There appears to be an image as well.”

         < _Oh, yes_. > Aoife didn’t want to spoil what she mentally referred to as the ‘post-sex glow’ (because if these feelings were an image, they would be a warm golden-orange glow, like a light on in the window of a darkened house, or a lantern in a storm) with bitterness about her past. She struggled to word it in a neutral way. < _It’s a program. For a performance. A program is a sort of guide to a performance…who’s in it, and what it’s about, and who funded it, and what the songs are called, if there are any songs_ ,> she explained. < _This one was for a school play Crys was in, back when we were in high school here together. Crys gave it to me. >_

         “ _The Seussical_ ,” he read aloud, sitting down on the bed beside her and stretching out sideways across it. It occurred to Aoife that she was in an excellent position to admire the just-visible curve of his pelvis, as well as the delicate, razor-thin, nearly invisible line of hair that stretched from his navel downward; she usually found it fascinating, but even its presence could not distract her from thoughts of the play. “It appears she was the lead.”

          < _Of course. And she was very good. It’s really not a bad play. Of course, it was harder to understand since I didn’t have much experience with the Doctor Seuss books as a child- >_

         He turned a page, and his brows knit. “And you were in it, as well?”

         She was aware of one of her hands reaching up to pick at the eternal scab behind her ear, and stopped it in its tracks. < _Well, sort of. I was in the crew. I just helped backstage with the scenery and props and everything_. She paused. _I thought…well, I thought it might give me some insight into leadership, or at least into the Craft and the Order, if I had the experience of sort of…being one of the people behind the scenes that pulls everything together and makes it work. Which is what the stage crew does. >_

         He looked up from flipping idly through the booklet, green gaze focusing on her. Suddenly Aoife wanted to put on clothes (suddenly she was aware of every one of her eighty-one kilograms; _one-hundred-seventy-nine "pounds,"_ as they put it here in the Dead Zone, and felt uncharacteristically ashamed), or get into bed, or be back in her Quiet Room at Freddy’s, or somehow all three. She especially wanted to be alone. Would Loki buy it if she announced a sudden desire to shower? But no, between all day and now the sex – sex as the dominant one was good but _exhausting_ , at least in Aoife’s experience – she didn’t think she had the energy to shower. “Aoife, is something wrong?”

          < _Oh no, I’m just tired_. > She tried to smile; it was grating.

          “Aoife, your hands”- Loki paused a beat. “Your hands are…I think you are doing your… ‘nervous stim.’”

         Aoife hadn’t even been aware of them moving.

         That did it. She did her best to stay relatively composed even as the tears leaked out (it was a good thing, she realized distantly, that she had decided against eyeliner tonight after all), in the knowledge that they’d stop in just a minute or two; just as long as she or Loki did nothing to prolong this-

         But she couldn’t resist as he wrapped his body around her, embracing her as tightly as he could, until she was almost completely immobilized against his chest, and rocking back and forth slowly. Aoife glimpsed a memory in his mind of Frigga rocking him in a similar fashion during his childhood. She still fought against the sobs as they came ever harder, because now she suspected she was ‘snotting’ on Loki’s chest, but she couldn’t seem to stop.

          Gradually the comforting pressure and the rocking motion calmed Aoife down, and the sobs ebbed. She stayed in Loki’s arms, not least because she felt too drained to hold herself upright any longer. < _I…I think…I think there are tissues on my nightstand, >_ she announced at last.

         In wordless understanding, he reached over behind them and grabbed the box, ripping out a handful to wipe her eyes and face gently, and then to discreetly wipe his chest. “Do you want to tell me about it?” he asked softly.

         Strangely, Aoife found that she did. < _Everything about it was just wrong, from the start. I could feel right away that I’d made a mistake, but I didn’t want to just quit…I didn’t know anyone other than Crys, and she was busy, naturally, with her part. People were always rushing around, but no one ever really seemed to tell us what to do…I always ended up standing around with no tasks, and then I’d have to go around asking people if they needed help. And then on opening night, I had to move furniture backstage, and I was always putting it just shy of where it was supposed to be. Except I never found out where it was really supposed to be, because people would correct me in whispers, and I never picked up what they were saying even when they repeated it for me. And then toward the end of the show, I missed a cue and someone had to go onstage without his prop._

          < _I just…it’s so strange. I’d been…you know…bullied, really bullied, before that. Much worse. I don’t know why this memory stuck with me more than those times – not that I don’t still remember them, of course. But this is…different, I suppose. I don’t know why. >_

          “Perhaps because your expectations were higher,” he pointed out. “You always expect so much of yourself, Aoife.”

         < _Of course I do. I have to. Because most people expect nothing at all of me, and that’s worse. >_ She realized how true the words were as she said them.

         She heard herself add, < _I just…felt like such a burden. >_

         For a while, they were both quiet, and then Loki asked, “So…where was Freddy during all this? Doesn’t he have that little space back behind the stage”-

         _ <Yes, I went to wait for my cues in there, and he stayed with me a while. But I sent him out to go and see Crys perform. He didn’t really know what to do, anyway, and he needed to see Crys.> _She tried to shrug casually. < _He doesn’t get to see a lot of the things she does. Especially back when she was younger. >_

         Loki nodded. “So what happened when you decided to quit?”

         Aoife glanced up at the bridge of his nose questioningly. < _What do you mean? I didn’t quit. >_

         “Oh. I suppose I just assumed…” he looked downcast momentarily. “I would have quit.”

         < _Loki, I made a commitment to them. >_

         “Well, they should have tried harder to include you, then.”

        Aoife couldn’t really argue with this, since it was how she’d been feeling ever since. < _Well…I couldn’t quit. I stayed on as long as the play ran, and then I just didn’t sign up again. It was only two weekends. >_

        For some reason, that made him embrace her again, and she leaned against his chest, allowing her eyes to close and her body to finally relax, as she felt his nimble lips pressing the faintest of kisses into her hair.


End file.
